Tag Archives: self-defeating behavior

Reblog: How to Stop Making Problems for Yourself

One of the most helpful mental health techniques I’ve learned is the importance of knowing how to get out of my own way. This article explains that technique in excellent detail.

‘You make problem, you have problem.’ – Jon Kabat-Zinn When it comes to problems, we all have them. Many problems, however, are self-imposed. Startling thought? It’s meant to be. If you want to narrow the list of problems you have, start with a firm decision to stop making problems in the first place. Already, the objections start, beginning with the problems that others create that have a direct effect on you. Surely, you didn’t create them. So, how can you stop those problems? Nice try, but that’s a weasel-out excuse that won’t work. While you don’t have control over the problems others create, you very much have control over your response, action or inaction. In other words, it’s what you do that counts, not what the problem is that you face. It’s the same with problems that you manufacture. Indeed, it’s all in how you regard the situation. If you think it’s a problem, it’s going to be a problem. If you view it in a more positive light, the problem is no longer a problem, but an

Source: How to Stop Making Problems for Yourself

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How to Stop Being Your Own Worst Enemy

by Lillian Csernica on September 23, 2014

People of Planet Earth, let’s work together to help each other get out of his or her own way.  How do we do that?  We stop the thought patterns inside our own heads that are self-defeating.  Worse, those patterns spread out and stain the lives of other people with our anger, depression, grief and pain.  If you think it’s a great virtue to clean up litter from the streets, parks, beaches, etc., then you will be delighted to identify and remove all the rubbish inside your own mind.

It’s appalling, how easily we hamstring ourselves.  It’s tragic, the way the trauma of one generation sinks in all the way to the genetic level and predisposes the next generation to susceptibility.  You want to learn resilience?  You want to protect yourself, your children, your grandchildren against the genetic fallout of all the stress and pain going on right here right now?  Read this list.  Read it again.  Take an honest look inside your own mind and identify which of these Styles has taken over your thoughts.

We can change.  We possess brains far superior to the greatest computers.  We have hearts, minds, and souls.  We can overcome these bad mental habits and stop spreading emotional pollution just as corporations who obey the clean air laws can install equipment that will help filter their pollutants and protect our atmosphere.  It’s a relief.  It really is.  Clear and direct communication means the message gets through without all the static generated by wrong assumptions and personal baggage.

Speaking as someone in recovery from Major Depressive Disorder, inasmuch as the condition can be “cured,” I assure you that learning to eliminate these patterns of Distorted Thinking will make your life so much simpler and easier.  You want to lose weight?  Start with the Distorted Thinking.  Eliminate that and you will shed a lot of what’s dragging you down.

Surrenderworks.com / Library / Imports ~

15 styles of Distorted Thinking


  • Filtering: You take the negative details and magnify them while filtering out all positive aspects of a situation.
  • Polarized Thinking: Things are black or white, good or bad. You have to be perfect or you’re a failure. There is no middle ground.
  • Overgeneralization: You come to a general conclusion based on a single incident or piece of evidence. If something bad happens once you expect it to happen over and over again.
  • Mind Reading:  Without their saying so, you know what people are feeling and why they act the way they do. In particular, you are able to divine how people are feeling toward you.
  • Castastrophizing: You expect disaster. you notice or hear about a problem and start “what if’s”. What if tragedy strikes? What if it happens to you?”
  • Personalization: Thinking that everything people do or say is some kind of reaction to you. You also compare yourself to others, trying to determine who’s smarter, better looking, etc.
  • Control Fallacies: If you feel externally controlled, you see yourself as helpless, a victim of fate. The fallacy of internal control has you responsible for the pain and happiness of everyone around you.
  • Fallacy of Fairness: You feel resentful because you think you know what’s fair but other people won’t agree with you.
  • Blaming: You hold other people responsible for your pain, or take the other tack and blame yourself for every problem or reversal.
  • Should: You have a list of ironclad rules about how you and other people should act. People who break the rules anger you and you feel guilty if you violate the rules.
  • Emotional Reasoning: You believe that what you feel must be true-automatically. If you feel stupid and boring, then you must be stupid and boring.
  • Fallacy of Change: You expect that other people will change to suit you if you just pressure or cajole them enough. You need to change people because your hope for happiness seem to depend entirely on them.
  • Global Labeling: You generalize one or two qualities into a negative global judgment.
  • Being Right: You are continually on trial to prove that your opinions and actions are correct. Being wrong is unthinkable and you will go to any length to demonstrate your rightness.
  • Heaven’s Reward Fallacy: You expect all your sacrifice and self-denial to pay off, as if there were someone keeping score. You feel better when the reward doesn’t come


Checklist for Hidden Anger
  • Procrastination in the completion of imposed tasks.
  • Perpetual or habitual lateness.
  • A liking for sadistic or ironic humor.
  • Sarcasm, cynicism or flippancy in conversation.
  • Frequent sighing.
  • over politeness, constant cheerfulness, attitude of “grin and bear it”.
  • Smiling while hurting.
  • Frequent disturbing or frightening dreams.
  • Over-controlled monotone speaking voice
  • Difficulty in getting to sleep or sleeping through the night.
  • Boredom, apathy, loss of interest in things you are usually enthusiastic about.
  • Slowing down of movements.
  • Getting tired more easily than usual.
  • Excessive irritability over trifles.
  • Getting drowsy at inappropriate times.
  • Sleeping more than usual / maybe 12 to 14 hours a day.
  • Waking up tired rather than rested or refreshed.
  • Clenched jaws or grinding of the teeth / especially while sleeping.
  • Facial tics, spasmodic foot movements, habitual fist clenching and similar repeated physical acts done unintentionally or unaware.
  • Chronically stiff or sore neck or shoulder muscles.
  • Chronic depression… extended periods of feeling down for no reason.
  • Stomach ulcers.




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